Before I realized I was actually sick and there was a reason to the madness in my head and body, I didn't want to live my life. I loved the life and curiosity of a fictional character. I would lay in bed and hate that I couldn't move my legs or sit on the floor without it being a hassle to get up. I avoided activities with my nieces and nephew because I didn't know if I would be able to get up without any weird looks. I was going crazy in my head.
Being in bed and not being able to do anything to fill the void I was trying to wrongly fill, I've had to actually deal with it. I can say I'm on my way to happiness now. And that void was nothing but a fictional life that I would eventually be lonely with. I am now learning to control my thoughts and differ between the real and the fictional. I don't want another life or anyone else's for that matter. I am really learning to love me for me and realizing I do deserve all the best that life has to offer. I can say that I am moving in the right direction. And as my doctor's say, "This is a Marathon, Not a Sprint."; that goes for this disease and myself as a person. I am sure I will have more down points, but when I get back up, that is what will help get that much stronger.
My Christmas was really good and nice. I definitely over did it, but it was worth it to see family and friends that I haven't seen. My family loved the coasters I made them. So I say that was success! (pictures will follow) Today was the first day I've had energy to leave the house. Worn out now! But it's good to get fresh air and exercise a bit.
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