So over it..

I just always thought my life would have been much better than this..

Side Affects..

So I've been feeling horribly nauseous for about two weeks. At first, it was only at night. Then, the past week it would start earlier in the day. My stomach would be completely bloated with gas and would turn hard as a rock. It hurt my chest every time I burped and it tasted like some sort of nasty chemical. Then, to top that off, I started sweating profusely on my face and neck. I was getting grossed out with myself. My mother and I narrowed it down to the fibromyalgia medicine I started about a month ago. So yesterday I called my doctor and told him I needed to stop taking the medicine because the side affects were too much to live with. I have been so uncomfortable the past couple of weeks. So he let me completely stop. So this afternoon when I woke up from my nap, I had the worst pain in my chest and ears. Well, it is the left over gas from this medicine that hasn't left my body. I don't feel as nauseous as I have this past week so that's a plus. You never know how you are going to react to a medicine until you tried it, and unfortunately I have a feeling it will be a hit and miss for a while until we really know what my body is doing and what it can handle.

I cheated last night. I have been doing so good not eating any sugar! I came home from a dinner date and made a chocolate ice cream malt! It was so good! I have to let my doctor know on Monday that if my next glucose levels are high that is the reason! I couldn't help myself..I have no one to blame but myself.

Later today I am spending some quality time with my brother Brad. I am really looking forward to it. We have always been really close and ever since I got sick I feel we kind have drifted apart. So I'm really excited. I've always said he was my other half.

Tomorrow me and my mother are getting our nails done. We are way over due! My toes never last which is really weird because I don't do anything crazy. Then dinner with my little brother. This weekend will be good for family time because I'm already freaking out about the test results that I'll get on Monday. I always tend to over work myself before doctor appointments and the week of my IVIG. I know I can handle anything, but I'm still walking into the Unknown which is really scary!

#TRUTH

I haven't been sleeping at all lately. Last night I was having really bad nightmares and thought I was in another room and someone was in there with me. Then I would wake up. My hips hurt really bad throughout the night. So every way I laid, I was uncomfortable. I hurt and it sucks. I don't want to be dependable on my pain pills, but I hate hurting. And I hurt in ways I never knew were possible. I have a burning sensation, a skin tightening sensation with needles attacking my body and my muscles ache to wear i feel like they are going to fall off. So I take four different types of pain medicine and my joints still hurt. I want to be a baby and scream and cry and throw a tantrum. But in reality, we all know I can't do that.

I have a friend who disappears on me every six months or so. It never bothered me before because I had a life and was busy. I figured they just got caught up in their life. This time, I took it to heart. This time I'm sick and they are telling me that they care for me and will do anything I need. (Which I hear that from a lot of people, but I really believed it from them.) And then they disappeared again. That's not a friend. Please don't show up in my life again if you plan on disappearing again. I am not emotionally stable right now and I don't need to worry about when I can count on you. I need to worry about my health and what treatment is next. I need to get better.

I give out Trust like candy on Halloween. And maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it's my fault that I get burned by people so many times because I trust so easily. Who am I to judge to say that you don't earn my trust. Maybe I'm too weak to be alone. I don't know. And I don't think I will change. I love getting the opportunity to meet new people and giving them the feeling that they can trust me. I want people to feel comfortable with and around me. Whether it is a business and/or friend relationship.

My client Stacey that reached out to me a couple weeks ago is now in my life forever. I look at her as she is my Angel. She is Catholic. I was raised Catholic, but my parents never pushed it on us. I started losing faith a couple of years ago. While being in the hospital a lot of people prayed for me. I realized that saves people and keeps them sane. If Stacey reached out to me a couple of months ago I don't think I would have been open. But I am now. And I am so thankful for all the prayers because I honestly think that has kept me sane as well. She bought me a rosary that I put in my pillow that I sleep on every night. I feel safe knowing I'm laying my head on it before I shut my eyes every night. She is picking me up today and teaching me how to make enchiladas and I am so excited! I feel that Stacey is an old soul. She is an amazing Woman and I am so lucky to have her in my life. She understands what I am going through and it's so nice to have that. And now she has someone she can relate too as well. And there is that word again. Trust. I gave it to her without her even having to explain anything to me. She gave it back to me.

On Monday I have four doctor appointments. Two are tests at Cedar-Sinia and two are appointments. I will get my results back from the blood work Dr. V did. I'm hoping he can pinpoint what I have so we can have a plan in action. Then next Thursday and Friday is my fourth IVIG. I hate getting that. I have a few visitors coming already so that's nice to know. Hopefully I can sleep the first half again.

I'm drinking black coffee for the first time since being sick. I forgot how Amazing it was. I still can't  have sugar and that has been so hard! Especially since Dan bought me chocolates for Valentine's Day. So I cheated and had a few pieces. Now I'm telling everyone in the house to make them disappear!

I fainted yesterday. My blood pressure was really low and when I stood it must have lowered more. I'm ok, I twisted my ankle a little, but it only hurts if touched. My mom was home and helped me up. I still have no strength to lift myself up. The parents have now cancelled their plans for the weekend in case it happens again. It makes me upset and they tell me it's because it's too cold and that's the reason why, but my mom saw how upset it made me so I think she's covering the truth up. I want them to be able to leave and enjoy themselves. I just thought I would have the strength to lift myself up by now. But it's apparent I don't.

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hayleywarm.nerium.com

It is my only way of making any money to pay my bills. Click on 'Preferred Customer' and sign up! This product is amazing and I stand by it 100% !!

My follow up with Dr. V..

Yesterday was my follow up appointment with the specialist in LA. He gave me a lot of information to digest. I have all my faith and confidence in him so I'm trying not to freak out or over think anything. He believes I have Dermamyositis and not Polymyositis, but I don't have the rashes that comes along with Dermamyositis so it's not adding up. Also, he believes I have Lupus overlapping the Myositis and along with Sjogren Syndrome. He ran even more extensive blood tests and ordered me a high definition CT Scan of my lungs and brain. He also ordered a breathing test because I get short of breath a lot. I have been in a tremendous amount of pain this past week so he gave me some really good pain medicine to help me function throughout the day.

I am trying to stay positive. The IVIG hasn't helped, but it is keeping my CT blood count down and keeping me stabilized. He wants to start me on a treatment that isn't FDA Approved but has an 85% success rate. He is also running tests to make sure I won't get any of the side effects. I will find out the results in two weeks from the blood tests. So yes, a lot to take in!! I have a great family and support team and Dr. V is a great doctor.

I have my first Nerium Real Results Party tomorrow and I'm really excited for it. This is something I can do with my mom and sister. I'm ready to feel like I'm part of society again.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

It's 4:30 am..

I can't sleep. I'm in so much pain that it hurts to breathe. I can't relax which hurts my jaw. I don't understand why I'm in so much pain. I'm not understanding this journey and what it will teach me. I am noticing that I am beginning to open up more and allowing people in. I've always had so many walls up because I was afraid of getting hurt. But I have learned life is too short to live that way. I have a better relationship with my family now. I enjoy spending time with them and I look forward to dinner. Eating with my mom and Dan really completes my day.

I had a client reach out to me yesterday who has been battling lupus for three years now. She doesn't have the support from her friends and family like I do. I offered to go to a support group with her. Knowing that she has me when she is feeling weak or sad really makes me happy. I want her to know that she isn't alone and that I will always be there for her. I definitely have opened my heart out to others that I wouldn't know how to before. I realized just being there helps someone. You don't need to say anything as long as they feel safe with sharing their struggles, you know you are doing something right.

I go see Dr. V in la on Friday. He ran some different blood tests so I will get those results. I am also going to ask him about the pain and if he can help me out in that department. I have three treatments left. After that I switching over. My doctors locally are a joke. It's sad to know that they don't really care about the patient and they treat everyone the same. I think my other doctor gets paid to write prescriptions because he completely contradicted himself. It was a waste of appointment and it wasn't a good day for me to be out. At least I know now.

I am starting a new venture and I am going to be selling Nerium now. Please support me. My website is: hayleywarm.nerium.com
This is my only income coming in because I am unable to work. I swear by this product and it is amazing!!!