Today..

Today has been a good day so far. I woke up with a clear mind and happiness in my heart. The pain isn't that bad which means I can deal with it without putting a fake smile on. 

Yesterday, was really I mean really hard for me but I did everything so the evil couldn't take over. This is definitely a harder road that I'm going down. My mom asked me why some days are harder and if I knew that answer they wouldn't be happening. I believe it's the universe testing me. Obviously I am still here for a reason when I have gone through hell and not quite back from it yet, but I won't let it define me. I've always been an individual and I plan on staying that way. I'm slowly finding myself again and that's with the help of family but mostly my friends who have never judged me or thought different of me because of my decisions. Lifetime and soul friends is what I would like to call them. They go with my crazy ideas and plans and when I change my mind they don't tell me "I told you so" instead they ask what's next! Definitely they are my back when I have days like I did yesterday. 

But I wanted everyone to know I'm having a good day so far and it may turn bad very quickly but at this moment I'm enjoying my life. Now there's a first in a long time.

And it's been a while..

First, I would like to apologize that I haven't kept any of you in the loop for a while now and second, I will try my best to stay more active with my blog. Thank you to the followers who check my page periodically!

It has been a crazy emotional ride that I wasn't ready for and it is so easy to tell someone to stay positive, but until it is your body, mind and soul going though the changes and being so sick, it's not that easy. And I had really good days, but in the end the disease eventually took over me. My thinking was completely clouded and I was completely depressed. My family new I was, but I'm really good at hiding the truth and not showing everything. In the end, I couldn't handle it anymore and the pain was eating me alive. I could only keep a smile for so long until the tears and heartache would take over. I would message my cousin every night to let him know I was still alive, but I had no intention of actually staying alive. At that point, where I couldn't handle or fake it anymore, I checked myself in. I needed to separate myself from my surroundings and get help. I learned a lot in the three days I was there. I don't give myself enough credit and I don't believe in myself. I have a better therapist now that I believe can help me with life. I'm ready to fight and take my life back.

I had the miracle treatment in April and I don't need it this month which is so positive and amazing! I will be checked out in April if I need it again. My muscles are growing back and I am getting stronger every day. Music has saved my life so many nights and I still depend on lyrics to get me through the day. I am driving now, but not too far. I traded my jetta in for a CR-V so I can slide right in it. I feel safer in it. I had too many bad memories in my jetta from being sick and not knowing it. I am taking a class at the Valley College this semester two days a week. Two classes would have been too much in the beginning, so I am hoping I'll be able to take more classes in the upcoming semesters.

I have amazing friends who I know will go to their grave with the stories and problems I have that I want no one to ever know. I am so thankful they are in my life and has never given up on me! And my cousin, he deserves the world and definitely an award.

I need to remember that I am beautiful and I can conquer the world as long as I put my all into it. It still isn't a smooth ride but I'm not going to give up this time. I am here and I am staying. I promise I will keep everyone informed with what is going on with me as well! Oh, my hair grew back curly and I am so in love with it!! (My hair was completely straight and I've always wanted curly hair!!)

Til next time, have an amazing weekend and hug the ones you love. A hug means a lot more then you may think or feel.