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I need to be saved..from my mind, from my life. I'm really sick right now and it completely sucks on top of everything else. I feel so alone in this world and I feel I'm an empty shell. I'm fragile, I can break so easily but yet others still say what they want and little do they know it's breaking me down and closing me off and not making things better. I know there are so many others out there with this disease but I wish they were my neighbors. I think it would make this a whole lot less lonely. I talk to a few people in different countries and that's keeping me busy and I feel closer to them than anyone else. They understand, they've been where I am. I think about when I was in the hospital often lately, I had no idea the recovery would be so difficult and long. I've been doing more research on my disease and the antibodies I have and I haven't found much good news. I have a high chance of lung disease now which I do have changes to my lower part of my lungs, not sure what that means. 

I just always thought my life would be more fulfilling and happy. This sucks..

It's been a while..

I have been really low lately..I am on anti depression medicine now and I'm hoping it helps. This disease really takes a toll on all aspects of my life and the prendnisone doesn't help! My body is definitely put of whack! 

I've made some friends who have the same as me. One lives in Australia and we email each other every day and the other one lives in Italy. My friend in Australia sends me gifts and I really want to visit him next summer..I hope I'm ok by then. 

I took two classes in summer school at one of the junior colleges and I got an A and a B! I was super surprised and really proud of myself. I'm taking two classes this fall as well. It's a great distraction and helps me to not dwell on the negative of this disease which is very easy to do. My body still hurts and I'm still not that strong and I have my days where I can't get out of bed, but I am hoping to have more good days then bad soon. I know it's hard on my family especially when I'm upset. Right now the disease is controlling my life and I'm not sure how to be happy again. I'm hoping I find my way soon because I really hate being sad, but it's easier said then done and my body hurts emotionally and physical. It sucks..

I'm getting out and making plans so I'm keeping busy. And I'm obsessed with the movie Pitch Perfect right now and it helps me forget everything I'm going through so I watch it every other day!!