Dealing with this shit...

I have a disease. The past couple of days have been really rough and my light wasn't shining too bright. At times I was ready to give up and be done, but a part of me was still flickering. I had a really intense, bad breakdown and it took me a couple of days to recover. I don't want to give up and I want to fight, but sometimes it's so hard to. I feel better today and my light is shining brighter today. I hung out at the salon yesterday while my sister was getting her hair done and it felt really good to be in the salon. Though, it made me sad that I wasn't the one doing her hair, but she was in good hands. It turned out beautiful and I know she was really happy with it too.

I'm just really sad. I know I shouldn't be and I know eventually this will (hopefully) be a positive, but I don't know how to look at it like that. I need to know how to deal with this and there really isn't a way except to find it in myself. And it's cold outside so I really can't go out and get fresh air. My immune system was wiped out and I have no muscle or meat to keep any type of warmth on my body. It sucks. I'm looking forward to Christmas and spending time with family and friends. I get excited when I see other people smile and laugh. It helps me from being sad and depressed.

I finished my Christmas presents that I made for my family. They turned out really good. I will post pictures after Christmas because they read this blog!