I hate that emotion when you want to scream or cry and you can't or your body won't let you. My hips and legs hurt so bad today and I feel trapped in my own body. I wish my screams would take away the pain or I can run out if this shell.

I'm staying with my sister this weekend because the parents are away this weekend. I wish I can get up and play with them. I'm her fourth child this weekend. Ha I haven't been able to play with them in a long time. I can't sit on the ground and haven't in years. And Dan asked me why I lived this way for so long and why I didn't ever tell anyone. I told him that I didn't want to complain and eventually I would be ok, but it only got worse. I am now learning how to do everything over. And who knows, I could've been misdiagnosed if I went to the doctors sooner.

Maybe my body needed to almost completely crash to save me. I have a chance to start all over. My body will be new to me and so will my life. Maybe this was Gods way of saving me. I wasn't happy and I wanted a new career, but I didn't know how. I didn't know how to be happy. It could be that my body restricted me from doing things that everyone else was doing and that's why I wasn't happy. I need to move forward and not look as this as a downfall. I need to find peace with my disease.