I Accomplished..

I had over-achieved more this weekend than I thought I was ready for. After reading The Secret, I realized that I need to stop worrying about the little stuff and to push myself. There is a reason why I am working with the best doctors and to leave it up to them to get me better. Mentally, that's my job. So this weekend was the first time I took a shower without using a chair! I need to start pushing myself and stop being so Afraid! It did wear me down a bit, but who cares! I did it and that's all that matters. Each shower is going to make me stronger, mentally and physically. I really am proud of myself.

So I decided to go to the movies with my cousin and his family. I completely forgot about the stairs! The movie theater close to home doesn't have a lot of stairs so when I remembered I thought no big deal. But, they decided to go to the theater in the town next to us which has bigger screens and a better theater all together. So as I start to walk up the stairs, I can feel my body starting to change. I was breathing more heavy, tears were rolling down my face and my legs were getting harder to lift. My cousin's wife was so supportive and only using encouraging words to help me up. My hips were starting to really hurt and the water works were coming at full force. I made it. I sat down and took some medicine (thank goodness I just picked it up that afternoon). I sat there and started concentrating on my breathing and talking all the nonsense out of my head. I did it. I am ok. I couldn't move nor did I want to. My cousin and his wife ended up sitting the row behind me and I sat with their daughters. I didn't want to walk up anymore stairs. So throughout the movie I can feel myself tense up and I needed to breathe and relax. So the movies over now, and I am already thinking how I am going to get down? I can do this. I Can do this. So I took my medicine before I attempted the stairs, but the tears had already started. My breathing was my main focus at this time until my medicine kicks in. I waited for the theater to clear out, but it felt like everyone wanted to watch the credits. I couldn't let them change my focus. OK, I was ready. I held on to my cousin's arm the whole way down, one step at a time. We took a few breaks and I wiped away any tears that could change my thinking. I finally made it! Man, that was the scariest obstacle I have come across! I am so Thankful that I was with my cousin and his family and no one else. 

I need to work on this anxiety shit! It is no joke!! haha But I did it. I need to be proud of myself and look at this as a turning point in my recovery. So I definitely need to work on getting my hips stronger. 

Today, I am relaxing and "Remember to Remember" that I am in a good place and only good things will happen from here on out. I signed up for summer school and I start in 2 days. I am so excited to be starting something new and looking forward to waking up to something. I'm staying Positive and yesterday was a lesson and I conquered it. I need to be proud of myself. I have come such a long way and there will be other obstacles that I have to come across and remember to remember I will be ok and that I can do this.