People say writers come up with their best material in the middle of the night because they don't sleep and their brains don't turn off. I completely understand that statement. I just wish I wasn't part of that category.
I need to stop having such high expectations from the people around me, but I feel if I live my life how I want to then I will be judged for it. I won't be good enough to fit or live in their bubble of life. But do I really want that? I'm kinda stuck where I am. I still technically can't take care of myself and when I try to make plans I'm told I'm not ready. I don't want to live on the crutches of other people and apparently I'm not ready to hold myself up. If I didn't care so much or didn't have a conscious, I wouldn't be here anymore. This blog would be unfinished and I would have never found who I wanted to be or who they wanted me to be. So what do I chose?? This fake smile and figuring it out on my own because I can't have an honest conversation with someone I trust or end it all together? God I know I'm stronger than this but all these road blocks you are putting up is making it that much more difficult to find the happiness I want and that I care about, not them.
Hayley, this post struck me so hard, you could be talking about me. Do you think you have too high expectations of those around you? I've been asking myself the same thing (with me it's my parents and now we no longer speak, all because of how I feel they changed when I was in danger of dying but changed back to their old, unfeeling, selves afterward) I don't think I do ask too much! Do you think we might be asking too much but not know it because we are so anxious/depressed? All I feel I'm asking for is love and support. It doesn't seem as though you are expecting any more than that either! It's normal for a young woman in her 20's to want independence, do you feel they worry it could make them feel obsolete? Mine mainly seem to worry what others think! I don't know the answer, I only wish I did.
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