My body hurts worse now than it has ever have and now it's my whole body and not just legs. Maybe I just recently got pm and these other diseases longer?? I am so sad and I don't know how to pretend or how to actually be happy. I don't know if this will ever become easier..and what if I am that odd percent that will have constant flare ups even though I am young. So far I am that odd in my blood work. I get a breathing test done and my chest hurts more than it has ever hurt. I would have been ok not knowing my lung capacity. It hurts so bad like never before. I hate all these tests. I hate being alone. They don't understand how bad I actually hurt. I can't scratch or slightly pinch on area of fat (its habit) without hurting and hurts after. I feel like my family doesn't get it. I don't want to be dead but I would rather know a purpose of why this happening to me. Maybe I'd feel better if this wasn't a chronic illness and there is an end. I don't know anymore.
I was on the verge of a panic attack tonight..I did what I only knew would work. I took more anxiety pills than needed (way more gradually) and sat under a hot shower for a while. I'm not proud of taking more pills but crying only made it worse. I guess I've been holding it in for too long. I don't feel any better, just getting numb. I hate my life.
I don't like coming on here and complaining but these are my emotions at the time. I have two IVIG treatments left. Then what? They still don't know what is going. I really hope they do!! This pain and sickness has takin over my physical and emotional stability..
I wish I had good news to share but unfortunately i don't. :(
I cannot imagine what you are going through, I would have a million questions to ask. I don't know if I would be strong enough to get through it. But you are getting through it. One day at a time. You cannot ask why anymore, because what's done is done. We must overcome the battles that are put upon us. Stay strong hayley and I will pray for you. I wish you the best.....James
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