October 15..

So Tuesday was my one year from being admitted into the hospital..I really wish I could say that I've enjoyed this and being 27 was my best year yet, but then that would be a complete lie. I am happy that it wasn't all in my head and that the restrictions my body was facing was because of some crazy and weird disease. I didn't even know your body is capable of attacking itself like mine did, but I guess in this Universe everything is possible. This year has made me question everything in my life including my humanity. One thing is certain, you meet certain people during your life in which you need them or their outlook the most. You may even question their lifestyle but answers some of yours. 

My family is very thankful for this day, October 15. I consider it a horrible day but then again it could just be my outlook on life right now which is nothing great. I want to be happy and I want to laugh again because I do have a great laugh and great humor! But I've lost it in this whirlwind of medicines and side effects and just having to deal with my life different now. For the longest time I have fought with the idea of just being sick and now I have to realize that I am sick and it won't be forever and I really hope I won't be taking medicines the rest of my life but that isn't guaranteed..I have to remember that I will be okay and not to let this disease take over my life which it has the past 8 months. 

 I have been to my hell and I'm still in it's grave. But now I have the choice to crawl out of it or lie in it and make myself comfortable..I really want to chose option A and I'm doing everything I can to take my life back. I still have weak moments but the conversations I have with strangers that become permanent in my life makes me want to hold onto my life even tighter.