One day at a time..

The past couple of days I've been really exhausted. My body seems very worn down. I am not sure if that is apart of the recovery stage to this disease or if I am going to have days like these because I have this disease.

The recovery after this IVIG has been completely different than the first three. I am hoping I get stronger with each treatment. I'm not as sick, only at night which is odd to me. I tried to apply for an on-line class, but I didn't get in. I am completely bummed out. I feel like if I got that class then I would feel somewhat part of society. I can't let this get me down because it takes me longer to get back up. I don't want to drive. Just the thought of me behind the wheel freaks me out. I am so scared to drive right now. I am scared of life right now. Baby steps, yes.

I have now surrounded my life with only a few friends and my family. I feel that these friends will keep me safe and are actually worried about my well being. They care. I decided to color my hair. It's red. I feel like myself somewhat again. I am going to get a wig as well. I am not completely balled and I still have hair, but it will make me feel better. I have four more treatments which means more hair is going to fall out. My hairstylist told me that there is regrowth which made me smile. I shouldn't worry about the little things and look at this picture as a whole, but I can't help it. And telling me any different won't make me change.

My pain isn't everyday anymore, but when it is here, it is screaming and pounding at me! My body is still on fire every night. I think I somewhat have gotten used to that feeling. I still get pain in my right shoulder so I put crochet on hold for now.

My appointment with the specialist is next week. I am super stoked for that appointment!